I don't know if anyone else has seen these god awful series of "scary" films but I certainly enjoy watching them.
Because they're terrible. The fact nothing happens until the final half an hour or so irritates the crap out of me. Dammit film makers I'm wasting at least 86 minutes watching this crap the least you could do is scare me. I did not not pay for this!
In my opinion Paranormal Activity 3 is the best of the series. It's the creepiest (because it has strange old ladies and creepy as hell kids running about,) strangest (I'm looking at you wardrobe-dwelling demons) which makes for an average movie in my book y'all.
However, Rel Schulman and Henry Joost you can't go around making ~my favourite~ shows like Catfish and then produce this abomination. I have way more questions than answers and you don't understand how frustrating this is.
So in the previous one everybody's favourite possessed ladayyy casually kidnaps her nephew and runs away with him... skip to this random, seemingly normal suburban family. OK. Laaaaame but we suffer through. Why can't it just skip to a family of stoned hippies or a goth family that dines in graveyards? Mix it up a bit like whatever~
Anyway it starts out with the end of the PA2 and then BOOM! Halloween for our happy little family. Cause you know, demons and shit. Introducing Ben and Alex. And the adorable Wyatt dressed as a pretty kick ass ninja. Mama of the house or whoever the cookie lady is has terrible decorating skills. Someone take that icing away from her.
Tbh I don't know what they're saying at the minute because I found a German copy to rewatch for the purpose of my FIRST. EVER. BLOG. POST *cue the fireworks*
I can't deal with all these cut scenes. Don't cut to a creepy ass house and then go to a football game.
However this is the first glimpse of Robbie, A.K.A that creepy lil creeper boy that's always creepin'. Where did he come from? Where did he go? [I can't believe I just quoted that song. Awks]
(Look at him. Why are you standing by the bin Robbie? Why are you dressed like that? It's sunny) wut r u doing?!)
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Creepy Robbie "Creepy Robbie who?" Creepy Robbie creepin' in your treehouse because that's what he's doing. Who even let him in here? Who is this kid? Stahp it Robbie you're scaring the chil'ren
(Look at the pure creeps on this lil shit's face)
SKYPE TIME. Basically the majority of this entire movie is blondie skyping with her man and being creeped out by Lil Robbie. On a side note: Yo Robbie, please stop wearing socks and sandals, it's just not acceptable. So his "mom" went to hospital (aka katie prolly threw her at a wall or something) and they're examining the stuff Robbie brought over and...
Of course Robbie brought a fork with him to the house. Of bloody course. What's your deal Robbie, what is your deal?
Blah blah blah creepy things (generally involving Robbay) happen and I'm gonna skip all that stuff because of reasons. Skip to: motion sensors. BenFriend sets up motion sensors in the living room because it looks dope as hell and also cameras because he's also kind of creeps and Robbie is freaking everyone out. And then boom! Robbie's being all weird and talking to an invisible entity because he's a lil weirdo and everyone gets super freaked out because it's only 90% invisible and there's outlines everywhere. At some point lil princess Alex goes over to Creepy Robbie's house because Irresponsible Auntie Katie has cars and shit because she's oh so populaaah with the fellow possessed ladayz of this neighbourhood. She runs away cause some woman's like "get awwwwf mah laaand gurl" (even though she doesn't say that but she so should!)
(Just like being confronted by a librarian. Truly what nightmares are made of)
At some point Creepy Robbie draws a creeps devil symbol on Wyatt's back. Imagine the deathly hallows symbol. Now imagine it drawn on a kid's back in green marker pen by a creepy kid with mediocre artistic talents? Yeah that's Robbie for ya!
Then Creepy Robbie takes Wyatt to his creepy house with his creepy "mom" and basically tells him he's adopted because Creepy Robbie isn't the possessed kid Hunter, that's Wyatt apparently! Some stuff happens to Papa Wyatt because he nearly gets stabbed by a demon with his own kitchen knives (rude, I know) and then Wyatt starts shouting at his invisible friend "I'M NOT HUNTER" alas poor Wyatt, it seems you are.
NOW the paranormal activity begins y'all. It's like a Paranormal Partay up in heyuuuur. He's in the bath watching TV, as you do, and then boom! He gets dragged under water. It's like that scene from the Grudge except this film hasn't traumatised me. He's under water for quite a while and I'm here screaming HE SHOULD BE DEAD WHAT IS SCIENCE but he then emerges, with a cool new attitude and positive outlook on life.
JK, he's Hunter now. And he's on the hunt for blood.
He goes creepily into Alex's room, removes her duvet and floats her in the air. You know why? Cause he's motherfucking Hunter and he does what he waaaaants. He also has computer magic because his sister likes to film herself sleeping (this whole family is creeps) and waheyyyy that shit won't open.
Alex is chatting with BenFriend and then the garage door opens. Magically, by itself. She goes down to check it and gets locked in there with the car. Which also magically turns on and starts spewing carbon monoxide at her because it's the Murder-mobile. While she's trying not to die, Creepy Katie is creepin' round the house, stealthily, like a ninja. A murderous, demonic ninja.
(Imagine that says Katie)
Then she calls to Hunter and says the magic words "You're almost ready Hunter... I'll wait here until you're ready" girl please you are an uninvited house guest you can't just loiter about on this private property pft rude.
Anyway Alex crashes the car through the garage door and is like OMG I COULD HAVE DIED and Papa and Mama Wyatt are like GIRL WHY IS YOU LYING TO US and she's like OMG I'M NOT I'M SO MISUNDERSTOOD NOBODY GETS ME and Papa Wyatt is like LOL OKAY LETS GO FOR LUNCH. So they go do whatever and Mama Wyatt is all chilling doing her housework minding her own business when Katie creeps in uninvited again to go chill with the boy because she has no friends/family (protip: if u h8 ur friends/family just get possessed by a demon and throw them at walls nbd) whilst Mama Wyatt is doing her thaaang until the demon gets in a hissy fit because that's what they do and smacks her off the ceiling and lets her crash to the floor. So kind demon, so very very kind.
For some reason BenFriend comes over like hey guise and "no one is in" so he's snooping around Alex's bedroom because he obvs hasn't seen it enough times even though they skype like every day. He goes on a laptop because "What the hell is privacy LOL" and is trying to look at the footage until katie stalks and snaps his neck. Because she's stupid she hides his body in Alex's wardrobe. It's like she's too busy to care or something.
Don't worry guys it's nearly over I promise. Papa Wyatt and Alex return and see Robbie (WHERE DID HE EVEN DISAPPEAR TO) and Katie who they think is Mama Wyatt and Wyatt. Alex checks out her room and cause there's a BODY in her closet she's like Hmmm something feels weird. She sees it and gets dragged out her bedroom (this demon's favourite torture device has got to be inflicting hella carpet burns) like the other films because she knows too much? Or just because of reasons? I don't know.
She can't find Papa Wyatt (oh noes) and for some reason decides to CHECK OUT THE CREEPY HOUSE WITH THE CREEPY LAD AND THE CREEPY LADY. Dumb move girl. He's getting dragged around like there's no tomorrow because the demon's just having a blast. After being chased for like a whole 5 seconds, she runs into a room with windows covered in newspaper (HELLO GRUDGE 2) and starts ripping them off like a she-Hulk. Then... A WILD KATIE APPEARS. Demon face in tow, screaming and roaring at her because she's in her yard now. Alex hears Wyatt shouting for her and clambers out the window. She's all Come on Wyatt we gotta go and he's all No betch u gotta go... straight to hell (he doesn't say that but he gave her the look that says that y'know) and she tries to run and that creepy librarian from before and all her weird friends are there with demonised faces. She tries to run the other way but boom! Katie. She's attacked and THAT IS THAT.
Phew it's over. I mean this movie is alright in parts but it's not scary. It's just like Why? What happened to Robbie half way through? I missed that creepy lil rascal. I don't know who the demon librarian club are at the end either, in general I haven't the slightest idea of what's going on.
Would prolly not watch again.
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