Gonna watch and recap Session 9 and Gravity (if I can find a copy) and prolly the blair witch project tomorrow because I'm a terrible blogger and an even worse procrastinator and if any of you are real people reading this I AM SORRY.

Hey Recappers! (cute name 4 u)
Haven't posted shit in a while because I was taking a looooooong ass break because I'm a lazy lil shit :)
HOWEVER (If any of you still give a crap)
I have this ridiculous list of movies I just wrote down which took up like 10 post it notes( because I'm obsessed with them) in my booky book to get through!

So that'll keep me occupied for a whiiiiiile :D
Peace out

Irrelevant post is irrelevant

I'm gonna come up with a creative nickname for yous

WUT

My head needs to seriously fix the hell up because it is like a chaotic mess right now

Ratatoing: Aka WHY?!?!?!?!?!

Don't ever watch this movie if you value your brain.

Forreal, it's one of those movies that is literally terrible. Not even in a "so-bad-it's-good" kinda way. Nope, it's pure, unadulterated shit. It's main redeeming feature is that it's only 40-odd minutes long. The downside? It's 40-odd minutes of your life you will never get back.
The company that produced it also produced Netflix's Disney rip-offs and although it's supposedly a Ratatouille-esque film it's just freaking awful. However the producers have (I think) also acknowledged it's their worst film (with an even worse name). So there's that.

So on to the craptastrophe!

It's set in Rio di Janeiro, which is a shame because that place looks absolutely stunning. The narrator starts out with some babbling tale about "this sophisticated restaurant" mentioning the fact that we're in a city at least  times. Y'all need to see this absolutely beautiful and amazing 3D animation.

Y'all ready?

You sure?
Here we go....

Are y'all impressed?!?!?! Cause you totally should be. I don't think you can handle this but I digress!!

They're currently complimenting how great the chef and their food is even though they haven't tasted it yet. Perhaps they're psychic? It's at this point (literally not even 3 minutes in) I really want to stop watching. It's like PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. 

I also don't think these people have ever been in a restaurant, because no freaking way people talk like this: "Okay I'll put this order in the kitchen" really? I thought you were gonna put this order on the moon or something you freaking dumbass. 

Now these mice are discussing gorgonzola cheese or something and it's ridiculous, just like the walking animations of Carol the waitmouse. 

I'm basically screaming at my computer SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP because it's so ridiculous and I'm not quite sure what or why is happening. 

These scenes don't add anything to anything so I don't see the point. Does this movie have a plot? Does this scene mean anything? Is this an allegory towards life? WHY ARE THEY COMMENTING ABOUT FOOD? These are the questions we won't know because we don't care. 

"Our ice cream is always served fresh" BECAUSE IF IT'S NOT IT'S JUST MELTED VANILLA CREAM WHAT THE HECKAROO IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?!

This guy is pestering waitmouse about the recipes. This whole scene reminds me of Spongebob...

It also reminds me I'd rather be watching Spongebob because at least there's a slight plot there. Anyway bitches are getting aggro and this mouse has like a paper moustache on and it's like girl ain't nobody taking you serious. 

Old man Mouse is just annoying as hell and needs to shut his mouth because nothing that makes sense is coming out of there. "Young man your parents should be so proud this food is totez amazeballs" (paraphrased ofc) but WHO SPEAKS LIKE THAT?! Why don't you just say "DANG BOY YOU KNOW HOW TO COOOOOK YA NA MEAN?!" but no thank the parents because you know, genes and shit. 

If Sassy Gay Friend were watching do you know what he would say? 

I feel u gurl, I feel u.

10 minutes in and I'm struggling to stay watching. It's PAINFUL to watch, my eyes are just falling asleep ugh. BUT I SHALL POWER THROUGH FOR WHOEVER READS MY BLOG. 

I swear to God this man has said THIS RESTAURANT IS GR9 and THIS FOOD IS DELISH and I am losing the will to live. 

Secret ingredient is...... DEDICATION AND CARE. Yeah if y'all wanna make the world's best cookies you don't need the chocolate chips or flour you need dedication and care. 

After this cooking masterclass Marcel or whatever he's called is interrupted by loud green mouse and has been rescued because he hates talking to his clients. WHY DO YOU WORK IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY IF YOU HATE OTHER PEOPLE MARCELL, WHY?! 

SHOCK HORROR people who were trying to get the secret ingredients and stuff own a RIVAL!RESTAURANT! 

"Let's get rid of Marcel" PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE GET RID OF THEM, KILL THEM, KILL THEM ALL. DO US ALL A FAVOUR. 

CUT to the world's worst suiting up scene I have ever had the mispleasure of seeing. One of them just pulled Cheese out of somewhere and I do not wanna know where it came from because mice do not have pockets.

This random ass scene that in no way helps the plot or even contribute to what the hell the plot is went on for far too long, like at least 2 minutes. The dumbass RIVAL! spend every day eating at Ratatoing because THAT MAKES SENSE RIGHT?! Idiot mouse left her notebook there. All the notebook contains is ONE piece of paper that says "Marcel's secret ingredient" and his signature. Top class note taker here.

BIGGEST PLOT TWIST: FAKE MOUSTACHE MOUSE HAS AN ACTUAL FAKE MOUSTACHE.

AND THEY STEAL ALL THEIR FOOD FROM HUMAN RESTAURANTS? He's grapple hooked himself to the ceiling fan and I hope he dies because there's still 20 minutes to go. 

Rival mouse betch has discovered the secret kitchen tile and SOMEHOW green mouse is flying around the kitchen and OMG THEY ARE SO STUPID IT LITERALLY PAINS ME TO TYPE THIS. 

Subtlety is not Rival mouse's strong point because she's literally standing in the big old square space BUT SHE FIGURED OUT THE SECRET OH NOOOOOO 

STRAWBERRIES DO NOT LAST A WEEK MARCEL STOP BEING A GRUBBY, DISGUSTING LIL SHIT. 

Waitmouse is talking to himself in the doorway and I'm dying of LAME. Panic! at the disco would not be impressed that the thing he has forgotten is to LOCK THE DOOR, the last thing you'd do of a night walking in a restaurant. 

I still have 22 minutes to go and I don't know if I can do it. I like the barbie movies because they're hilariously bad this is just a trainwreck. 

They've all decided they can't compete with Marcel because he has fresh ingredients and they have crap ingredients and I wish it would end here but alas there's still 20 minutes to go. 

Their new plan is to basically close the human restaurant by doing some weird dance routine which I do not understand the point of because they're really stupid. so basically these assholes are closing down a restaurant so their shitty mouse restaurant can be good. Y'all are assholes. YES.

Ratatoing mice basically then bitch about how GreenMouseGreg is a clumsy lil shit who ruined everything. 

OH MY GOD ANOTHER SUIT UP SCENE WHY 

CAROL DOESN'T TRUST HER MICE INSTINCTS ABOUT THE MOUSE TRAPS BECAUSE MARCEL HAS NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE? (Hint: He's an idiot) 

We are then TREATED to an extra long walk scene of him going yupp there's a trap and yepp there's a trap over there too. 

Just call him Marcel "Mousey" McSwag yo

GOOD NEWS IS THERE IS 10 MINUTES TO GO. 

Marcel meanwhile has swagged his way up to a bar of chocolate because these human chefs are rubbish at their jobs leaving chocolate all over the dang place. AT LEAST HE'S LIFTING BRO. There's a creeps cat prowling which is my fave bit so far. 

Yeah the red says it all really!

This cat can't handle Mousey McSwag so fails to get it all the time until McSwag hits it in the face with chocolate dang. 

They could go to a different restaurant BUT they're too stupid to figure that out. 

RIVAL RATATOING have succeeded in making McSwag's empty but their restaurant is also shit so basically this was all pointless.

McSwag is going back! CAN'T KEEP MCSWAG DOWN Y'ALL, SUITED UP AND BOOTED UP MCSWAG IS READY FOR MISSION IMMOUSEIBLE 2

McSWAG GONNA GET THE CAT BACK AND HE'S GONNA STEAL DA CHEDDAR. This cat thaaaang is a creepy lil shit I don't know what kind of breed it is.

He literally shouts "GET THE FOOD I'LL DISTRACT THE CAT" right in front of the cat which is dumb as hell. I don't think this cat gives a crap about you tbh McSwag just give up babes. 

The cat running is like a baby when it's just learnt to walk and it tries to run and it has flailing arms all over the place you know? I'm so done with this movie and oh my gosh it's like it's never ending. 

CAT GETS THE BAD RATS BECAUSE HE'S BFFS WITH MCSWAG. PAULO AND MCSWAG BEST FRIENDS FOR LYF. Paulo has begun to eat at the mouse restaurant and has salmon with cheese because he's a cat in a mouse restaurant lolsofunny

AND FINALLY IT'S OVER. 40 LONG MINUTES AND IT'S FINALLY OVER. MY MISERY HAS ENDED AND SO HAS YOURS.

So yeah don't watch ratatoing unless you hate yourself.

Out of 10 I'd give it a negative 12, it's so bad, it's not funny and the mice are annoying as hell. 

Update 1

So I haven't posted anything in like a week because

• a) I didn't know what to write about 
• b) I'm lazy 
• c) My head is just a freaking mess lately and my emotions are all over the god damn place.

But I'm gonna sort out some films to watch and actually blog woooooo

CAN SOME OF YALL PLEASE JOIN I HAVE NO FOLLOWERS OR COMMENTS :c

Make up collectionzzzzz: I'm a total hoarder.

So baaaaaaaaaaasically I had no idea what to blog about because my life its totes uninteresting at the moment so I thought I'd just show off all the make up I'm currently hoarding. (Most of it is MUA because it's cheap and so am I) I'll prolly do a photo of my favourite things tooooo because isn't that what you're supposed to do? I don't even know.

Yeah, the whole overview of erryting~

(This is literally the only organised thing in my room)

Pardon my messy desk but yeah. Everything's in pots. The big silver ones are from IKEA and the little blue ones are from poundland wherein I had to borrow a quid because I couldn't pay by card. Ugh. #firstworldproblems.

 This is the faaaaaace pot. Because ya gots to cover that shit up innit. All those lil pots are from the bare minerals box my mom gave me because she got something better (Thanks mama B love you too). Um there's some rimmel and some clinique (cause it's fancy yall) and y'know general stuff.

(This is my main hoarding problem)

THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO HAVE ALL THIS STUFF. RIGHT? RIGHT. So that's probably the exact same reason I keep buying it all! Yolo and everything~~~~~ Liquid liner is my fave so I deffo need to invest in some more of that. And get rid of these tiny ass used ones ferreal

The MUA ones are my total go to because y'know browns and golds are supposed to be totes amazeballs on blue eyes and that's what I is yo. The bigggest one of those individual ones is supposed to be 2 different shades but it may or may not have exploded oopsy daisy.

This is crappy quality oops

I SWATCHED MY LIPSTICKS FOR Y'ALL. 

But I don't have a lot of this, deffo need to buy more even though my mama thinks I have too much stuff in general :S

This is going in descending order okay.
Number one - MUA's £1 lipstick in "Shade 1"
Number two - Natural Collection Moisture Shine in "Dusky Rose"
Number three - Natural Collection Sheer Natural in " "Sandcastle" (I wore this for my prom and I love love love it even though you can't really see it :S)
Number four - 2True Colour Drench Lipstick in "No. 1"
Number Five - Collection Lasting Colour in "Queen of Hearts"
Number Six - Dunno who the hell it's by but it's Lip Stick in "#00024" haha
That's it because I'm crap at these posts and slightly envious of all these amazing beauty bloggers with their amazing posts but this is supposed to be a film blog oops

How to deal with loss...

You don't. You never really accept it. You feign normality until it reaches the point where you completely and utterly shut and break down.

And then you rebuild. You break down those walls of depression and despair you've been building. You learn from it, you grow from it. But you never forget about it. It's constantly there, in the deepest corners of your mind and you live with it. You remember the good times and you do not let that sadness consume you. Because they're happy now. They're in a better place, and they're not in pain. And eventually you'll feel that happiness too because they've got their peace and the truth is they never left you. That person/s will always be in your heart and it's your duty to make them damn proud of you.

So you keep smiling, you keep living, you don't mope around and you live your life to the damn fullest. Travel the world, indulge in books, go sky diving. Live.

Movie idea: I don't know if this was a dream or not!

So... When I was like 12/13 I distinctly remember a movie.

The tricky part? I don't know if its a real movie. I've spent the last 6 years every so often trying to find it but to no avail. So I probably dreamt it. Its a pretty freaking weird dream to have she you're like 13 but I was a particularly weird child so it makes sense.
I was trying to figure out if its a real thing or not so I'm gonna copy the story here and hopefully someone can help me :(

"So to begin with... It was like this kid being all obsessed with vidaaaayo games and his mom was like "u need 2 stahp ur tearing this family apart" and he was like bitch pls I do what I want. (Except he was like 10 so he didnt have these extreme levels of sass) His mom tried to  take his beloved computer away. When that failed, out of growing concern for her son, she she sent him to live on an expansive farm with his cousin, or some other relative, in the middle of nowhere.

One day whilst exploring his new home he came across an old school computer (windows 98 y'all)  and was all "omg I could so play games on this nerd 4 lyf haha suck it mom" And the boy and his relative-of-some-description loaded up the only game they could find.  This game was based on an awfully similar farm to the boys new living conditions except all the animals were basically possessed and had glowing, red eyes that burned with the fiery fury of the devil himself.  They also tried to kill the characters cause what other shenanigans would a pig and cows get up to on a huge ass farm, right? Right.

Anyway they played it loads cause farms are boring as fuck when you're a 10 year old boy with a graphic, violent, blood-shedding, senseless animal zombie game PETA would spend eternity trying to ban. The more they played, the more the game started coming to life. For example, they'd be walking round the farm and the animals would like get red eyes and stalk them and be general creepy creepers and the boys were thick as a sack of rocks so they'd catch them in the corner of their eye and not bat an eyelash. Because farm animals are cray cray yo. They didn't seem to really notice when the chickens, the cows, the goats and especially the bits kept trying to bite them. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.
As time went on, and this was nearing the end of the entire saga, the animals, for some strange illogical reason, gained the ability to realise what an attic is, how to get in there (as in pull the cord to release the ladder type deal) and how to climb attic stairs. They partook in chewing through the bloody attic entrance trapdoor (extra safety =extra lift up attic door). Of course the attic was where Uncle man kept his convenient stash of weaponry and ammo so the minute they chewed through that door, the boys finally plucked up some courage and began a tirade of bullet apocalypse. There was blood everywhere, brain parts splattered against the walls and windows, guts a-spewing. (I was a veryyyyyy gory kid jfc) Whilst this was going on the boys were crying and retreating into the back and furthest corner of the attic.  In true move/dream fashion just as the last bloodthirsty animal met its maker, the sun rose signalling the end of their ordeal. Still drenched in pigs blood, the boys hugged it out, shaking with fear. (Btw the one kid   like chucky from rugrats but nerdier and no huuuuuuuge buck teeth)"

That sounds completely cray cray but I remember it in shitty 80s/90s camera lens and its so frustrating not being able to figure out where its all from...

Sleeping Beauty: You could have prevented all of this!

Let me start off by clarifying something: Most people's favourite Disney movies are "Cinderella" or "The Little Mermaid." Not me, I can't stand them. My favourite has and always will be, "Sleeping Beauty." I've liked the whole darkness of the film since I was a child. I like Aurora's dress. My favourite things about this movie though, are A) Aurora says about 4 lines and shuts up for the rest of it. I like that. A lot of the princesses go on and on and on and it's like shut up no one cares. So the fact she doesn't say an awful lot means she's my favourite. B) Maleficent. Queen of my heart. Literally the best Disney villain EVER, she's ruthless and fierce and she don't care for nobody. AND SHE TURNS INTO A DRAGON. How could you not love that?!

(Excited for your movie gurl)

So we're starting out at Baby Aurora's ridiculous christening partay or whatever. It's the kind of party those money spending mom's from "Extreme Kids Parties" could only dream of. We've got nobility and peasants crowding round to wish her happy birthday or something even though she's prolly busy being a baby and SLEEPING but don't let hat stop you. Every baby needs a plethora of gifts from the entire kingdom random strangers, duh. MiniPrince Phillip arrives with a gift of gold, frankincense or myrrh (I don't know which wise man he is) and looks upon the royal crib. So unimpressed. 

(Babies look weird or maybe that gift of beauty hasn't kicked in yet?)

Arriveth the 3 fairies! The "good" fairies. With the pointless gifts. Red fairy's all "yo gurl I be giving u the gift of beauty innit" because that's obviously all that matters in life, as long as you're pretty you're worth something. </end rant> Green Fairy next. Even more pointless is "yo gurl have the gift of song yo" because unless she's gonna become the next Adele I don't think she needs it. Ya done goof'd fairies. You fucked up.

IN STRIDES MY QUEEN. In full fire and Rage, BOOM. Maleficent is here. If y'all had invited her as well as the rest of the damn kingdom she'd have probably not tried to kill your daughter, Stephan and Mrs Stephan, it would have taken like 5 minutes. I appreciate a good evil laugh and damn Maleficent you kill it! I feel like she's probably the "evil" one because she'd have given her intelligence or the gift of being able to hold a conversation with people. Y'all keepin the woman down!

Bluey's turn. Instead of dying, Aurora's gonna sleep until her true love/man gives her a smoochy smooch. Super creeps cause she'd have been asleep for 100 years so she'd be wrinkled up like a raisin and she's ASLEEP.

Red's plotting their immediate fairy downfall because ain't nobody wanting to be human really. Anyway she locks them in a jewellery box and tells her dastardly plan to keep the babby safe in a cottage. And not tell her until she's 16. So selfish. If I was a Princess I'd wanna know where my tiara at, y'know? Or my parents, that's important too.

Red dresses them up like simple scullery maids. Magical maids. 

(come on giiiirl gimme yo magic)

Anyway Aurora grows up to be happy and beautiful like the lil songbird she is, and no one questions where the princess has gone. Because who cares right? Maleficent is shouting at her troll minions because they have spent 16 years searching for the baby aurora because they're thick as hell and don't realise babies grow up. Cue mad magic rage! Lightning bolts for errrrrybody! Send the bird to do the job, birdy knows what's up!

These characters have amazingly groomed eyebrows considering there's probably no one to thread or wax them.

Blue has the BEST idea to get the wands because magic makes life easier. Red and Green have grown to fond of being mere mortals and making mediocre birthday presents for their lil princess though and quickly shoot her down. Let's face facts here: Green doesn't know shit about Baking, and Red is never gonna be in charge of a major fashion house with these talents... 

(Coco Chanel is laughing at you not with you)

Blue starts the crying and reminiscing process about how their lil princess is all grown up because she's just so interesting to be around and stuff. Aurora meanwhile is exercising her pipes singing through the forest with her animal friends because humans don't want to talk to her lolol. Phillip falls off his horse because her singing is oh so beautiful and so is she and that's literally her 2 redeeming features even though his horse is like OH HELL NO MOTHERFUCKER except after being bribed with food.. So they meet and sing and dance and it's INSTA-LOVE even though all they know about each other is their names. Great way to start a relationship. Though their dancing scene is beautifully animated, I'll give you that one Disney. 

Back to the cottage and Red has taken the dress abomination to a whole new level by covering it in an assortment of bows. Green's cake is so big she has to prop it with a broom because it's collapsing on it's own weight. Blue's miserable because she wants her dang wand y'all, and she's right. This whole scene is actually my second favourite of the movie because I love her dress and it's magical and wonderful. The cake's making itself because Green is useless. Blue and Red have a "pink vs blue fight" which gives them away to the crowravenbird. Dumbasses. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AURORA YOU DON'T GET YOUR MAN NOW HAHAHAHA. SURPRISE!

Fairies hate to do this but she was already engaged because she don't get no say in her own damn life (coinkydink it's him but shh) then she gets super emo because she's a rich princess not a poor peasant like she thought and she can't meet the man in the forest again. Boo hoo Briar Rose, boo hoo indeed. 

Meanwhile the two kings are getting hella drunk and eating all the dang food because that's what kings do y'all. The bard is also really drunk because he's a lightweight. 

blah blah blah more talking more drinking, these kings are such lightweights they should come partay with my crew I tell you. Phillip pulls up on his horse and is like I'M GONNA MARRY A PEASANT BECAUSE I'M PROGRESSIVE AND THIS IS THE 14TH CENTURY LOL IN UR FACE

Cut to: Fairies smuggling her out of the forest. She's still emo but they don't care about that. She gets in her sparsely decorated princess room, gets her crown on and immediately starts crying. Instead of comforting her they just leave her to it. A+ Parenting. 

THEN IT IS MY FAVOURITE SCENE IN ANY MOVIE EVER. Where she is guided through the fireplace by a mysterious green orb. Hypnotised by it's gaze she follows it up a grimy set of stairs and such and holy cheeseballs I just love the animation and everything about this scene jfc. The fairies are useless as per usual and take forever to climb up the single set of stairs in front of them. MAGIC SPINNING WHEEL APPEARS. Aurora wants to touch it for no freaking reason cause she's an idiot and Maleficent is all TOUCH IT DEAR and basically wins for like  10 minutes. The fairies set about making everyone fall asleep, on the stony floors in chairs etc, so when they wake up they are going to have the worst back and neck ache EVER. MotherFairies cover her feet with a blanket because you can't hide her beautiful face in case a man wants to kiss it ofc. 

(That is not an ideal sleeping position really)

Meanwhile Phillip gets trapped in the forest by my fierce, evil favourite and is imprisoned in the dungeons which I presume makes up about 90% of Maleficent's castle because she has no friends. Obviously it takes the fairies a short while to get there and to figure out where he's gone but they get there. They free him and give him justice filled weapons I'm sure even Superman would be proud to wield, and Blue turns the CrowRaven into a statue because it's squawking all over the dang place. They also stop him have boiling oil of some description being poured all over him and spears and other weapons from hurting his precious little Prince head. Maleficent then makes a thicket of thorns surround the castle because ain't nothing worse than getting stabbed by a rose thorn of course. So our Phil hacks his way through that shit and I'm like is she really worth it, I know it's love and everything but Aurora is as dull as a sack of rocks.

Then Maleficent turns into the most fierce, majestic, evil dragon my eyes ever did see and I am disappoint when all Phil has to do is lob a sword. Like come on Mal, you can do better than that! Of course he wins and then kisses Aurora and YAY TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL. Except my dreams. I just want the villain to win for once. Just this villain, ain't nobody got anythaaang on my gurl Maleficent. 

And then they dance and everyone's happy and I'm just like damn everything. 

BUT YEAH I LOVE THIS MOVIE AND STUFF AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO WATCH HAH.

July Favourites

This comes under the "things" part of my blog because I do what I want y'all.
Thought I'd do this because I can't be bothered to watch a movie right this minute so here's a list of things I like right now okayyyy

Make-up:
1. Volume Million Lashes Excess Waterproof by L'oreal (long ass name right there) Let me explain to you a thing about this hur mascara. The reason I bought it is because it's a blue and gold tube and I like those colours. That's kind of the only reason really. But it's good I suppose~
2. Any kind of black eyeliner is good in my book so I have a whole tub of that but I'm emotionally attached to all of them so no favourite favourite for you!

Food:
1. All I eat lately is a thing Mama B likes to call "Hunter's Chicken" which is chicken wrapped in bacon topped with cheese. You should all realise by now (unless you're a vegetarian or something) that chicken and bacon are the most supreme and tasty meats and general foods in the history of the universe. So I welcome anything that combines the two yeah.
2. Mango. Freaking. Smoothies. I don't know what the brand is but holy macaroni we have these cartons of the pre-mixed stuff you blend with ice... heaven in a glass I swear. We have this summer fruits one too but you know what? Mango will forever be the superior smoothie.

Random thingssss:
Music: 
1. I have two summer jams. The first being the same as last year as in "I love it" by Icona Pop. This song gets me because I don't care either. About anything. But it's catchy and fun and I appreciate that in a song. That's the reason for my like/hate relationship with one direction. On one hand they annoy me like crazayyyy but they're also ridiculously catchy. Also I am definitely a 90s bitch. But yeah here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxxajLWwzqY
2. Second is "Go Do" by Jónsi. To be honest when I first heard it I thought he was singing in Icelandic or something but then I googled the lyrics and realised it has some strange phrasing, that's all. I like it because it's catchy and generally happy and it's all YOLO without the stupid YOLO phrase if you know what I mean? (Probably wrong but oh well)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6HjT4SQKJI

Movies/ TV:
1. Four Weddings. Ultimate fave. I just love when they're secretly bitchy about everything cause it makes me shout LOSE I HOPE YOU LOSE PLS LOSE at my tv like a right weirdo. I MISS Four Houses (looking at you TLC for getting rid of my shows like that) I just really like people judging people for the most personal senses of style. I also enjoy judging all of these people too.
2. Wife Swap USA. I swear to God you Americans have some strange families living among you. Which is cool because it definitely amuses me.
3. HONEY BOO BOO. This lil girl is the funniest non-creepy child on tv I swear. The fact she says "A dollah makes me hollah honey boo boo" is enough to make me want to give her a high five (not to the face either!)

4. Skyfall was pretty awesome so that can be my movie :)

Eh that'll do.

Paranormal Activity 4: Who the fuck is Robbie?

(This is gonna have spoilers because it's a fucking recap and also is long ting)
I don't know if anyone else has seen these god awful series of "scary" films but I certainly enjoy watching them.
Because they're terrible. The fact nothing happens until the final half an hour or so irritates the crap out of me. Dammit film makers I'm wasting at least 86 minutes watching this crap the least you could do is scare me. I did not not pay for this!
In my opinion Paranormal Activity 3 is the best of the series. It's the creepiest (because it has strange old ladies and creepy as hell kids running about,) strangest (I'm looking at you wardrobe-dwelling demons) which makes for an average movie in my book y'all.
However, Rel Schulman and Henry Joost you can't go around making ~my favourite~ shows like Catfish and then produce this abomination. I have way more questions than answers and you don't understand how frustrating this is.
So in the previous one everybody's favourite possessed ladayyy casually kidnaps her nephew and runs away with him... skip to this random, seemingly normal suburban family. OK. Laaaaame but we suffer through. Why can't it just skip to a family of stoned hippies or a goth family that dines in graveyards? Mix it up a bit like whatever~
Anyway it starts out with the end of the PA2 and then BOOM! Halloween for our happy little family. Cause you know, demons and shit. Introducing Ben and Alex. And the adorable Wyatt dressed as a pretty kick ass ninja. Mama of the house or whoever the cookie lady is has terrible decorating skills. Someone take that icing away from her.
Tbh I don't know what they're saying at the minute because I found a German copy to rewatch for the purpose of my FIRST. EVER. BLOG. POST *cue the fireworks*
I can't deal with all these cut scenes. Don't cut to a creepy ass house and then go to a football game.
However this is the first glimpse of Robbie, A.K.A that creepy lil creeper boy that's always creepin'. Where did he come from? Where did he go? [I can't believe I just quoted that song. Awks]

(Look at him. Why are you standing by the bin Robbie? Why are you dressed like that? It's sunny) wut r u doing?!)

Skip to car scene. Creepy Robbie is walking home by himself because Katie is obviously too busy being possessed to pick him up like a normal guardian. Blah blah blah golf and braces and pizza rolls, so interesting. Nothing is happening. Snoooooooze fest la la la~
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Creepy Robbie "Creepy Robbie who?" Creepy Robbie creepin' in your treehouse because that's what he's doing. Who even let him in here? Who is this kid? Stahp it Robbie you're scaring the chil'ren

(Look at the pure creeps on this lil shit's face)

SKYPE TIME. Basically the majority of this entire movie is blondie skyping with her man and being creeped out by Lil Robbie. On a side note: Yo Robbie, please stop wearing socks and sandals, it's just not acceptable. So his "mom" went to hospital (aka katie prolly threw her at a wall or something) and they're examining the stuff Robbie brought over and... 

Of course Robbie brought a fork with him to the house. Of bloody course. What's your deal Robbie, what is your deal? 

Blah blah blah creepy things (generally involving Robbay) happen and I'm gonna skip all that stuff because of reasons. Skip to: motion sensors. BenFriend sets up motion sensors in the living room because it looks dope as hell and also cameras because he's also kind of creeps and Robbie is freaking everyone out. And then boom! Robbie's being all weird and talking to an invisible entity because he's a lil weirdo and everyone gets super freaked out because it's only 90% invisible and there's outlines everywhere. At some point lil princess Alex goes over to Creepy Robbie's house because Irresponsible Auntie Katie has cars and shit because she's oh so populaaah with the fellow possessed ladayz of this neighbourhood. She runs away cause some woman's like "get awwwwf mah laaand gurl" (even though she doesn't say that but she so should!) 

(Just like being confronted by a librarian. Truly what nightmares are made of)

At some point Creepy Robbie draws a creeps devil symbol on Wyatt's back. Imagine the deathly hallows symbol. Now imagine it drawn on a kid's back in green marker pen by a creepy kid with mediocre artistic talents? Yeah that's Robbie for ya! 

Then Creepy Robbie takes Wyatt to his creepy house with his creepy "mom" and basically tells him he's adopted because Creepy Robbie isn't the possessed kid Hunter, that's Wyatt apparently! Some stuff happens to Papa Wyatt because he nearly gets stabbed by a demon with his own kitchen knives (rude, I know) and then Wyatt starts shouting at his invisible friend "I'M NOT HUNTER" alas  poor Wyatt, it seems you are. 

NOW the paranormal activity begins y'all. It's like a Paranormal Partay up in heyuuuur. He's in the bath watching TV, as you do, and then boom! He gets dragged under water. It's like that scene from the Grudge except this film hasn't traumatised me. He's under water for quite a while and I'm here screaming HE SHOULD BE DEAD WHAT IS SCIENCE but he then emerges, with a cool new attitude and positive outlook on life.

JK, he's Hunter now. And he's on the hunt for blood.

He goes creepily into Alex's room, removes her duvet and floats her in the air. You know why? Cause he's motherfucking Hunter and he does what he waaaaants. He also has computer magic because his sister likes to film herself sleeping (this whole family is creeps) and waheyyyy that shit won't open. 

Alex is chatting with BenFriend and then the garage door opens. Magically, by itself. She goes down to check it and gets locked in there with the car. Which also magically turns on and starts spewing carbon monoxide at her because it's the Murder-mobile. While she's trying not to die, Creepy Katie is creepin' round the house, stealthily, like a ninja. A murderous, demonic ninja.

(Imagine that says Katie) 

Then she calls to Hunter and says the magic words "You're almost ready Hunter... I'll wait here until you're ready" girl please you are an uninvited house guest you can't just loiter about on this private property pft rude.

Anyway Alex crashes the car through the garage door and is like OMG I COULD HAVE DIED and Papa and Mama Wyatt are like GIRL WHY IS YOU LYING TO US and she's like OMG I'M NOT I'M SO MISUNDERSTOOD NOBODY GETS ME and Papa Wyatt is like LOL OKAY LETS GO FOR LUNCH. So they go do whatever and Mama Wyatt is all chilling doing her housework minding her own business when Katie creeps in uninvited again to go chill with the boy because she has no friends/family (protip: if u h8 ur friends/family just get possessed by a demon and throw them at walls nbd) whilst Mama Wyatt is doing her thaaang until the demon gets in a hissy fit because that's what they do and smacks her off the ceiling and lets her crash to the floor. So kind demon, so very very kind. 

For some reason BenFriend comes over like hey guise and "no one is in" so he's snooping around Alex's bedroom because he obvs hasn't seen it enough times even though they skype like every day. He goes on a laptop because "What the hell is privacy LOL" and is trying to look at the footage until katie stalks and snaps his neck. Because she's stupid she hides his body in Alex's wardrobe. It's like she's too busy to care or something. 

Don't worry guys it's nearly over I promise. Papa Wyatt and Alex return and see Robbie (WHERE DID HE EVEN DISAPPEAR TO) and Katie who they think is Mama Wyatt and Wyatt. Alex checks out her room and cause there's a BODY in her closet she's like Hmmm something feels weird. She sees it and gets dragged out her bedroom (this demon's favourite torture device has got to be inflicting hella carpet burns) like the other films because she knows too much? Or just because of reasons? I don't know. 

She can't find Papa Wyatt (oh noes) and for some reason decides to CHECK OUT THE CREEPY HOUSE WITH THE CREEPY LAD AND THE CREEPY LADY. Dumb move girl. He's getting dragged around like there's no tomorrow because the demon's just having a blast. After being chased for like a whole 5 seconds, she runs into a room with windows covered in newspaper (HELLO GRUDGE 2) and starts ripping them off like a she-Hulk. Then... A WILD KATIE APPEARS. Demon face in tow, screaming and roaring at her because she's in her yard now. Alex hears Wyatt shouting for her and clambers out the window. She's all Come on Wyatt we gotta go and he's all No betch u gotta go... straight to hell (he doesn't say that but he gave her the look that says that y'know) and she tries to run and that creepy librarian from before and all her weird friends are there with demonised faces. She tries to run the other way but boom! Katie. She's attacked and THAT IS THAT.

Phew it's over. I mean this movie is alright in parts but it's not scary. It's just like Why? What happened to Robbie half way through? I missed that creepy lil rascal. I don't know who the demon librarian club are at the end either, in general I haven't the slightest idea of what's going on. 

Would prolly not watch again.